How To Not Get In Your Friend’s Blacklist: 5 Main Rules And Tens Other Useful Tips And To Be A Good Listener.


One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.

Bryant H. McGill

Have you ever experienced the moment when you are opening your soul to your interlocutor, while she or he is typing a message to somebody or studying the menu? Are you sure you were not THAT interlocutor? Check it here.


Most people have the inborn ability to hear. But to hear a person and listen to him or her are two different things. Surely, you have such acquaintances you do not like to communicate with, just because they never listen to you. They always interrupt, tend to give a piece of advice. If you do not want to find yourself in a blacklist, read our article how to be a good listener.

There are 5 main rules most people know, but do not follow, though communication is the essential part of any relationship.


Main rules how to be a better listener

  • Do not interrupt


    This is the most important rule! Nobody likes to be interrupted, moreover, you will feel disrespect and indignation from your interlocutor. It is better to listen to him or her till the end and then share your opinion. It is quite another thing when your interlocutor is very talkative and is not going to stop, so you may carefully tap into his or her conversation.

  • Stay focused


    Do not get distracted by other people passing by or your phone. Imagine how your interlocutor feels at this moment, he or she is sharing their personal emotions, but you pay attention to a car driving by. If it is an important conversation, you’d better to put your cell phone on mute.

  • Keep eye contact


    For becoming a better listener try to follow this rule. In such a way you show that you are interested in this dialogue. By the way, psychologists say that your direct look symbolizes your honesty and openness. But do not stare at your interlocutor all the time, it is enough to concentrate your look every 10-15 seconds.

  • Be friendly


    Try to be in your interlocutor’s shoes, before judging. Share his or her emotions and do not be too critical, because you do not know how you would behave in that situation. Remember, you have two ears and only one mouth for good reason.

    It does not matter you should agree with everything she or he is talking about, but to be a good listener, express your (especially opposite) opinion kindly, avoid the phrases like “Yeah, you acted like a fool”, it is better to say “I think your decision was not quite right”.

  • Be attentive


    Notice your interlocutor’s gestures and facial expression. Do they agree with the information he or she is talking about? It can reveal whether the person you are talking to is sincere or not and, moreover, be closer on the emotional level:

    - Use the gestures and facial expressions to show your interest

    - Read between the lines: be observant and notice the things which remain unsaid

- Speak at about the same speed as your interlocutor does.

If you want your friend to feel free sharing his or her personal information, you should know which qualities a good listener should possess.


What makes a good listener


Be attentive:

  • use your face, voice and body to show that you are interested in this conversation

  • ask questions that will show you like listening to him or her

  • you may ask to repeat some ideas

Some phrases can show your interest and induce to continue the conversation. Use the following patterns:

  • I see

  • Really?

  • Tell me more

  • Ok, continue

  • Let’s talk about this

  • More details, please


For becoming a better listener you can use a non-verbal form of communication:

  • relaxed pose

  • nods

  • facial expression

  • “mirroring”


Better to avoid the following behavior:

  • to express your ideas or thoughts while a person is talking

  • to question

  • to change the topic during your interlocutor’s speech

  • to think of a possible answer while he or she is speaking

and phrases:

  • Are you sure?

  • Go to bed. Tomorrow will be better.

  • This is not so bad, actually.

  • You are so demanding.

Follow the pieces of advice and main rules from our article and you will see that your friends will stand in a line to talk to you and share their ideas and emotions. We don’t ask you to become a personal psychologist for them, but if you are aware of the main rules of civilized communication, you will know how to be a better listener and feel at ease in any company.